Armed with a completed second outline, we return for our 50th episode! This episode begins with a summary of the key changes planned for our second draft. In the next script, we’ll be fully integrating voiceover from page 1 and streamlining the way we present lobbies and the exec. We’ll also be revising Zoya’s plotline to have better logic and more forward momentum. Lastly, we’ll be adding seven mini stories as interstitials, which will expand the scope of the book and hopefully enhance the feeling that the Constellation is a vast, lived-in world.
In the second half of the episode we have a Review the Future style off-the-cuff discussion of AI trends, the SAG AFTRA strike, and the impact of recent technological developments on the relevancy of our story.
Script Content: -Zoya and Csaba attend the Katallian service. They discover the portal door is locked and one way (but Ocean Songbird has a key). As early attendees they are drafted into a confession ritual. -Meanwhile the priests discover an unauthorized conjuring, which leads them to find Cranium tied up. -A struggle ensues in the church as Zoya and Csaba try to escape while the Katallian authorities try to stop them. Csaba uses the conjuring stone in a haphazard way that kills people. Zoya successfully escapes and declines to help Csaba, who is left behind.
Discussion: -Why haven’t Zoya and Csaba attended a service like this before? Is it rare? Is it perhaps their actual initiation? -How does the conjuring stone work? Is there a rule that Zoya understands Csaba does not? Ideally we are seeking a rule that causes Csaba to misfire with it (as opposed to not being able to make it do anything at all). The rule might stem from Katallian limits on conjuring or from the stone being a stock Constellation totem object. Does Zoya understand this rule because of her experience as a world creator, or because she gathered this information since she’s been on Katall, while Csaba failed to do so? -Zoya’s dialogue as the elephant god assumes the children already grasp they’ve been tricked for their whole lives as opposed to just finding out about that moments before. -Does Alltaf go through with its threat against Imerologia? What are the consequences to Zoya’s actions and do we even find out about them? -Are we adequately setting up Zoya’s care for the Applonian children earlier in the script? -How can we make the beginning and the ending echo each other?
Script Content: -Zoya gets caught by Alltaf and assigned the task of killing Tim -The leadup to Tim’s death from Zoya’s perspective -The aftermath of Tim’s death: burying the body and lying to Cranium -Caught by Cranium, Csaba knocks out Cranium and takes his conjuring stone -Armed with the stone, Tim and Zoya head for the portal inside the church so they can escape Katall
Discussion: -Conjuring staff was changed to a stone so that it can be smuggled into church. -Do we need the scene of them getting to the church early and waiting to get in? -What are the mechanics of the portal? What prevents Tim and Zoya from simply sprinting for it? Is it a one way door that is easier to enter than to leave? Is it only open during a key moment of the church ceremony? -The sequence where Zoya lies about stealing the hunt-master’s axe is at odds with earlier scenes where she has ready access to an axe without needing to steal one. -Does it make sense for Csaba to be behind a barrel when Tim and Zoya are talking? What is Csaba’s motivation for hiding? -What is the POV of Zoya’s voiceover? We had discussed it originating from her trial testimony, but that seems probably too limiting of a rule.
Another double episode with pages from both Ted and Jon.
Script Content: – Richard and Alexis urge Zoya to take Tim’s deal at the Gaia awards -Zoya is initiated into Alltaf -Zoya witnesses Tim trying to force his way through the Alltaf lobby -Richard and Alexis coach Zoya to have Tim complete the first task for her -Zoya shows Applonia to the Alltaf reps -Richard and Alexis coach Zoya to have Tim complete the second task as well
Discussion: -How do we justify Zoya entering Katall during the next phase of the story, when she has been raised to be suspicious of bad contracts? Perhaps a combination of (a) Richard and Alexis are not of the same mind on this issue and one of them is more willing to compromise and (b) Alltaf has some kind of leverage over either Imerologia or Zoya’s art career that can be used to strong arm Zoya into taking on a great risk. -We need to find somewhere to establish what Imerologia is exactly.
In this double episode, we get pages from both Ted and Jon.
Script Content: -Tim, Zoya, and Csaba build shelters on Katall -Tim hunts for a suitable murder target -Zoya offers Tim an out (he doesn’t take it) -Tim discovers Cranium’s secret TV lair and decides to make Cranium the target -Tim goes to murder Cranium, while Zoya and Csaba tag along -Zoya kills Tim before he can kill Cranium -Flashback to Zoya’s childhood education with Mr. Hygge and her parents
Discussion: -Where is Tim’s head at during this period of murder planning? -How does Tim feel about Csaba? -Would the Katallians have IVs in their infirmary? -Tim might justify killing a Katallian with the logic: “They’ve already chosen to die, this is just altering the timeline.” -What tastes in television would Cranium have? If he’s not zero gen, then he’s not nostalgic, just enamored of old timey stuff for aesthetic reasons. -Do we need to backfill Tim’s apparent contempt for Cranium and hypocrites who don’t stick to their principles? Or is it not real contempt and more just an attempt to justify what he is doing? -Does Cranium hear Csaba say “Now, you got him!” And is it possible that Csaba was talking about Tim and not Cranium, anyway? -How many pages are we allotting for Zoya’s flashbacks? Is the school scene too long? -This is our introduction to Richard and Alexis so we should describe them more. -The schooling scene needs to be a blueprint that can be referenced by two future scenes: the indoctrination of children on Applonia and Zoya’s Alltaf initiation. -What is the underlying motivation behind Zoya’s voiceover? Makes sense for it to be anchored in the moment that she’s just killed Tim, since that’s when it begins.
Tim, Zoya and Csaba enter Katall, learn about the naturalist entrance contract, witness a service that includes funeral rites and penitence for conjuring, join the Katallian religion, receive the assignment of building a shelter. Discussion: nailing down Ocean’s gender, considering whether this sequence could be shorter, proposing the addition of Tim’s voiceover, flagging the moment when Zoya and Csaba are momentarily alone in the lobby (which we may see dramatized in Zoya’s storyline).
Tim meets Csaba for dinner at a fancy Magnurbia restaurant, Csaba tells the story of Alltaf’s founding, Tim receives instructions for the third trial, Zoya offers Tim the chance to back out. Discussion: whether Tim should know who he’s meeting for dinner, whether Csaba should be a well-known figure, whether the voiceover should be past/present, whether the dangerous world from the founding story was randomly generated or just randomly found, and whether Csaba should give off more sinister vibes, possibly threatening Tim’s family or hazing Zoya.
Visiting Pompeii, finding the clue “Come in, have a drink, stay a while”, getting attacked by a leopard, turning pain on to find the right door, turning mind altering substances on to cross the lava river, turning ejection off to unlock the final answer: “You must trust to be trusted.” Discussion: whether Tim should struggle more to complete the puzzle, the benefits of dramatizing regeneration in this part of the script, the possibility of drawing out the stone men sequence to really emphasize the world daring Tim to eject.
Taking the job in Applonia, posing as an elephant-headed god, building a temple for Applewhite, planting a backdoor, failing to help the Applonian people, onward to Wang’s world. Discussion: being an elephant versus just being invisible, defining the pain settings in Applonia, the meaning of “portal rights”, the nature of Tim’s moral choice, whether this sequence should be expanded, avoiding redundancy in setting up the next trial.
Receiving the first trial, finding the trial difficult, posting an ad, finding Applewhite. Discussion: introduction of voiceover, making Applewhite weirder, drawing on the Incal for exec inspiration.
Obtaining Alltaf’s address, fighting through Alltaf’s lobby, signaling to Zoya, blackmailing Zoya. Discussion: rules of Alltaf’s lobby, usefulness of the Bukhari reference, communication of blackmail stakes, how secret is Alltaf?
Gaia awards pre-party, Tim and Arturo panic about losing, and Tim proposes a deal to Zoya. Discussion: how to reveal Tim and Arturo’s panic, should concierge be an AI, comic book visual language.
